From a song I’ve been listening to some of the lyrics go like this,
“I can’t even find the words for the way I feel the way so I’ll paint a picture, I’ll paint a picture…”
Well, in this case I’m not painting a picture but I’m using words to help anyways.
I’m very animated, or so I’ve been told. This brings to mind someone who is full of life and expresses oneself freely.
Yet, saying what I want stops me straight in the tracks. Like I’ve placed a lock on my words.
Not for all things, I’m not a push-over, but there are things I can’t seem to say.
I think it is a bad habit I’ve developed; not finishing sentences or just dismissing them before they reach my mouth. It is now like my default setting on certain subjects.
Even when I pray I don’t know what to say, but God being who He is, knew that moments like this would come among His people and gave us the Holy Spirit to assist when it does.
Romans Chp 8 vs 26 “~In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans.~”
Sometimes I wish people could just understand my silence. I’m grateful for the Holy Spirit for this.
Why don’t I say what I want to say when I want to say it (or not)?
I believe it is a fear. Fear of a person’s perception of me, fear of showing too much of myself, fear of saying something too honest , different or silly. Good ole fear.
This monster has been the reason for regrets, long forgotten goals and the list truly could go on.
But God did not gave me or you this spirit of fear. He gave us love, He gave us power and He gave us a sound mind.
2 Timoty chp 1 vs 7 “~For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.~”
And why am I even fearful? Doesn’t He promise His presence throughout the entire bible. A book fulled of His living and true promises.
Psalm 27 chap 1 vs 1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
With knowledge then why. I needed reminding. I think I allowed said fear to blur my vision and stopped thinking clearly.
Now that I know, the next step is forward, right? (actually this post right now is a step forward for me )
I am not saying this will be the easiest thing for me (or anyone if you are going through something similar to this) to do. What I am saying is I’m making a move, a step to face the fear.
This week and last week I’ve been getting out a lot of stuff I suppose I needed to with help of course and making strides to set myself free of this curse (dramatic enough :D?).
I have been open not in the typical way (hey, I’m a work in progress) but open nonetheless and I feel good about it. Better than I thought considering.
So with all of this, I encourage anyone out there struggling with some sort of fear (even the fear of bugs cause that is a very legit fear) to pray to God about it, read and remember His promises in the Word, and make a step forward into the fear. Face it.
Esther had to go before the King but she prayed before this. I’m sure she was afraid after all she could have lost her life but she prayed first. We may or may not face such dire situations but all in all. Pray.
I hope you are able to fight your fear as I hope to fight mine.
I will keep painting pictures and writing until one day very soon I wouldn’t need to do that anymore in Jesus’ name.Amen.
P.s. if like me and talking about something or expressing yourself is especially difficult or you avoid it, writing helps. You could write and after read it aloud or release it by tearing it up or throwing it away if you need too. Or paint a picture. That will help too.
[forgive typos, I just wrote freely because needed to get this off my chest]
Thanks for reading.